Getting Baby #5

So in January or February I made an appointment with Dr. Huynh to figure out why we were not getting pregnant. She was confident that I would be pregnant by the holidays, which I wasn't. Anyway she set up some blood work to be done on day 3 of my cycle because she said that was the first line of defense. I got a call from her about a week later telling me that my blood work was all normal except my AMH level, anti-mullerian hormone. She said she called a specialist friend because this was such a new test she didn't know how to interpret the results, but that he was out of town for a week so she would get back to me when she heard from him. Well a week was a long week. She finally called and said that her friend said my level was considered low, and that by numbers I was a 40 year old instead of a 32 year old. My next step was to make an appointment with her friend, Dr. Gustofson or Dr. G. to further evaluate. I made my appointment but it was a month out. I was pretty bummed because it meant another month of not knowing and still waiting. Well I got a call toward the end of the week saying there was a cancellation because someone hadn't filled out their paperwork in time, so I was scheduled a week away.

The day finally came and I met with Dr. G. he told me that because I had already had 4 kids and our youngest was 2, that we didn't need to do an ultrasound to check my uterus or fallopian tubes because everything was working just fine. He wanted Mike to do a semen analysis to make sure everything with him was okay, and then told me he wanted me to recheck my day 3 labs with his lab, and have an ultrasound to check my resting follicle count. We felt very blessed because I was selected to be in an ultrasound study of my follicle count so that we didn't have to pay for the ultrasound and they paid us a $100 dollar check.

My results were back so again I met with Dr. G. My original AMH level was .48 which they want above 1.8. Well, my new AMH level from his lab was 1.8 so that was fine but my estrogen level was high at 75 which they what at 50 or below. My resting follicle count (RFC) was 8, which by some tests are normal, but by their office they want them at 12 or higher. So with those two numbers together I was diagnosed with DOR or diminished ovarian reserve. That all means that I have good quality eggs but I am running out of them so we were basically running against the clock because technically I should have 15-20 more years of eggs but from their tests I only have about 10. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know if I expect early menopause, if this will be something that affects my kids, or that I feel like I am a freak because I am abnormal. Either way that was their diagnoses. Mike's analysis came back and they said his morphology was a little low at 2%, they wanted it at 4% or higher, and his viscosity was a little high at 2+, and they wanted it at 1+ or lower. All of his stuff was fixable with a few vitamin supplements.

Dr. G gave us the option of continuing to try by ourselves or since we had been trying for over a year to conceive that he could help us with IUI. He gave us a 55-60% chance of pregnancy over the course of 3 months. We discussed it, called our insurance to figure out coverage, and then decided to go for it. If we didn't get pregnant within 3 months then we would take that as a sign from the Lord that we were done. On June 11, 2015 I started 100mg of clomid. I continued that until the 15th. I went in to CCRM (Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine, Dr. G.'s office) on the 17th to do a follicle count and see how I was responding to the clomid. I had several small follicles and 1 mature follicle that would develop into an egg. They gave me a trigger shot of Ovidrel to take home and administer that night to make me ovulate roughly 36 hours later. I was a little upset because I only produced 1 egg...I mean I already produce 1 on my own so why even take the meds. Anyway, on the 19th at 10:00 am I went in for the IUI and had to wait 2 weeks to find out the results. They were negative, but we weren't upset because neither Mike or I figured it was going to work. I had to wait until the 1st day of my next period to try again. It did, but I was out that cycle because I still had 2 good size cysts left over from the side effects of the clomid.

Finally my first day of my period started in August and I was able to start a cycle again. This time I was on 100mg of clomid days 3-7 (August 1st - 5th) plus 5ml of injectables (Menopur) day 3,5, & 7 of my cycle ( 1st, 3rd, & 5th of August). I went in on August 7th to do a follicle count to see how many mature ones I had, and I responded well. I had 3 on my left ovary 18.6mm, 15mm, and 11.1mm. On my right ovary I had 3 also 15.8mm, 14.9mm, and 9.4mm. I then met with a nurse to see if they were going to continue this cycle or cancel it because I had the possibility of 4 eggs. Anything above 15mm is considered mature since once you do a trigger shot it ripens them another 2mm a day. Anyway, they had me sign a consent form saying the chance of multiples was higher and I was on my way home with a trigger shot and instructions to take and ovulation test to make sure we weren't missing the window and to wait to hear from the doctor on when he wanted to schedule the IUI. If I wasn't ovulating I was told to do 2 more Menopur shots one that night, and on the 8th when I did my trigger shot, which I did. Our IUI was scheduled for August 10th and 9:00am. This time they did an ultrasound to make sure I hadn't already ovulated, I didn't. I was feeling pretty optimistic because every thing seemed to be going our way. I got the Menopur for free, which is usually around $90 dollars a bottle, because they had some office samples that were going to be expiring, I produced 4 good size follicles so our chances were higher etc. Anyway, we still had to wait 2 weeks to test.

 On August 19th at 4:30 pm I figured I would just test to see if it was positive. I had some Amazon test strips, WONDFO, and at first it came back negative, but slowly showed the faintest line. I was excited but didn't want to tell Mike until the morning after I took another one and it was positive and I wasn't imagining things. Well that night I had the thought, that maybe it wasn't a real positive because the trigger shot could still be in my body and giving me a positive, needless to say I was really bummed, but still hopeful. I did some internet searches and found that the trigger should be out of my system by 9DPO but there are some who said it took up to 11DPO. I woke up the next morning and took another test. Same thing, negative at first and then slight positive. I called Cherstin and told her my situation. She asked if the second test was darker than the first because if it was the trigger shot it should be getting lighter, not darker. They were the same, so I took another test a few hours later and it was darker. I was thinking the IUI had worked so I told Mike that night when he got home that I though I was pregnant. I had to wait for it to be officially 2 weeks (August 24th) before I could call CCRM and have blood tests done, so I took pregnancy tests every day until then and by Saturday evening it was dark and I was positive I was pregnant.

Monday August, 24th I had some blood drawn to confirm I was pregnant. My HCG level was 205 (48 hours later my HCG was 520), they wanted it about 50 and my progesterone was at 99.9% and they wanted that above 15. I quickly started looking up levels for multiple pregnancies and I found that I was above the levels for a singleton pregnancy, but a little below the lowest level for twin pregnancies. All I could do was wait until my 6 1/2 week ultrasound to see if there was 1 or 2. That day came on September 10, 2015. They found 2 sacs. One had a heart beat at 115bpm, should be 100bpm or higher, and the other sac had what looked like the start of a fetal pole. Dr. G and the tech searched to make sure there wasn't a heartbeat and said that I would probably lose it, or it wouldn't continue to develop since it was significantly smaller than the other. He did say that my levels were indicative of multiples and he would have been shocked if there wasn't 2. I still had hope that maybe it would develop, but wouldn't know until my next ultrasound at 8 1/2 weeks. Starting on Saturday I had some pink spotting that lasted on and off for about 3 days and then stopped. I was worried, but because I didn't have any cramping or more blood and it wasn't red Dr. G. wasn't worried. They said it was me losing Baby B and that I needed to come in for a Rhogam shot.

Yesterday was my 8 1/2 week ultrasound and Baby B is gone. I was sad, which is weird because I wasn't even expecting there to be 2 and once I found out there was 2 the second never had a heartbeat. Anyway, weird feelings here. The heartbeat was fast at 177bpm and the baby was very wiggily. I graduated from CCRM and will now start seeing Dr. Huynh. We haven't told anyone about seeing Dr. G. except my family, Allyson Ragland (shee sees him too) Ann Brown, and Rachel Halatokoua. I don't think we will tell anyone else, including Marci and Mine, and Mikes side. I just feel weird or ashamed. That's it for now.

Ivy's Birth Story

Last night I went out to get some frozen yogurt with Marci and Mine for my last independent outing sans kids for a while.  As we were sitting and just visiting I started to get a little anxious/nervous for what was going to happen and change today.  After I got back I packed some toiletries and clothes and then took a Tylenol PM to help me sleep, which did nothing at all.

This morning came way too quick not to mention early.  I got up at 4:45 a.m., probably from the nerves. I was supposed to be at the hospital by 6:30 a.m., so I got up, showered, ate breakfast, packed Emily's lunch, packed the rest of my stuff and headed off to the hospital. The plan was for Mike to stay and help Mom with getting the kids ready for the day and get Emily off to school and then meet me at the hospital.

I checked in on time. It felt really surreal thinking that by the end of the day I was going to have another little girl. I got my I.V. started, hooked up to the monitors and my first bag of antibiotics when Dr. Huynh showed up at 7:30 a.m. I was having small braxton hicks contractions showing up on the monitor when she got there.  She checked my cervix, which was at 2cm but still 50 % effaced.  She then explained what the cervadil gel was going to do and the process of putting it in. She felt the gel would surely work since I was already dilated and effaced and because this was my fourth child. The gel was placed at 8:04 a.m.  Her inserting the gel was not the most comfortable feeling.

I was to stay in bed for as close to an hour and then I was free to get up and walk around. At the hour mark I couldn't stand it any longer and I got up and went to the bathroom.  Claudia, my nurse, had made a comment that another nurse who had the gel said it feels like like a burning sensation or like fire crackers going off inside your vagina. I think that was an accurate explanation.  Mike finally got there around 9:00 a.m. after dropping off Emily, a gas stop, and a potty stop for Mordecai.  By the time he got there I was already having tightening contractions but nothing painful. I was cautioned to go by what I was feeling as opposed to the monitors because my belly was so small the monitor might not pick up what they actually were at.  We went to walk the halls, which felt eerily familiar to Ruby's labor day.  By our 3rd time around I was having so much pressure in my bottom area that I decided I didn't want to walk around anymore.  Claudia brought in the the birthing ball and that was the best position to sit. She checked the baby and me and I was still only a 2.  I opted for a walking epidural and that was oh-so-nice. Around 11:30 a.m. I got my second dose of antibiotics and then opted for a regular epidural since the pressure was getting pretty strong. Once the epidural was in I went from 2cm to 4cm and  I also went from 50% effaced to 90% effaced within an hour.  Dr. Huynh showed up around 12:30/12:45 p.m. like she said she would and broke my water. While she was breaking my water she told me I was a 4 and then emptied more water out and then said, "And now you are at a 5." Mike and Claudia had a small bet as to when she would be born. Mike said 2:00 p.m. and Claudia said before 1:30 p.m. I wasn't so sure.  I was so numb that I thought it would be a while before I felt anything, but Dr. Huynh was telling me that if I felt any pressure or pain to have Claudia check me because she thought it would be very soon.  Around 1:15 p.m. I started to feel a little more pain again and by this time Claudia was in my room checking the monitor.  While she was doing that she got a call from Dr. Huynh who was also watching the monitor from her office. She asked Claudia to check me and when she did she got back on the phone and said, "Yeah, you should come on down there is a head there." I immediately felt overwhelmed.  I still couldn't hardly feel anything and I was thinking, "I can't be ready, I can't feel anything, how am I going to know how to push???"  Before I knew it Dr. Huynh was there and the NICU nurses and it was time to push. Dr. Huynh said that when she said to stop pushing I needed to because she felt like she was going to come fast and if she came too quickly she could tear me or have breathing distress.  I did half a push and was told to stop so she could get the shoulder out, then pushed the rest of the way and she was out.  I couldn't believe it!!! One push! She was so easy. She was born at 1:27 p.m. (Claudia won) and weighed 4lbs. 3oz. and was 17 1/2 inches long.  I really did think she was going to be bigger, but I was wrong, clearly. When Mike went to cut her cord he made a comment about how her cord and placenta didn't look 'right' or 'normal' persay. Dr. Huynh agreed and said that that is the reason she was probably having problems growing. We wont know anything for sure until probably my 6 week post-partum check because we have to wait on the pathology report.

Her APGAR scores were 8's and 9's, and everything about her is perfect. We are lucky that her lungs and heart are fine.  We don't get to go home until Thursday which is a day longer than I am used to because they need to make sure her blood sugars are okay and that she can keep warm on her own. We are supplementing with a syringe of formula until my milk comes in to make sure she doesn't lose too much weight so she can come home. We all just love her so much and are really glad she is healthy.

 

 

Last Appointment!!!!

I had my doppler today in the imaging department of Avista because the ultrasound tech wasn't in the OB's office today. They did a whole growth scan instead of just doppler so it was fun.  She is still measuring 2-3 weeks behind....depending on what measurement you use.  Her head, belly, and leg measurements put her in week 33, but her arm measurement put her in 34 weeks. I don't know which measurement you use. HA HA. Anyway, she grew about a half a pound a week like she is supposed to.  They estimated her weight at 4 lbs. 13 oz., but that is of course give or take a pound. I also found out that the little squirt is now face up.  Little stink!!!

After the doppler I headed over to the Lafayette office to have my NST done and then met with Dr. Huynh. My NST was good, and we are waiting on the news from the imaging department on the dopplers.  If those have gone up enough we always have a chance of being induced today, but I feel like they are fine. My fundal measurement was barely 34cm and I am supposed to be almost 37 because I am 36 weeks and 5 days today, but at least it grew from last Friday.  I also had my cervix checked and I am 1 1/2 cm dilated and 50% effaced.  Mike and I weren't expecting that at all because I was nothing when Ruby was face up.  Hopefully she turns since there is plenty of room for her to do so.

We are set to be at the hospital Tuesday morning at 6:30 a.m. I tested positive for group B strep so I have to have my first round of antibiotics before I get the gel to start labor, and because of that I think labor will be longer because I have to have a second dose 4 hours later so Dr. Huynh wont break my water until that's all done.

This is getting really real, really quickly. Mike and I plan on just vegging this weekend and preparing the house for chaos. Wish us luck :)

A Whole Other Set of Problems

On Thursday this last week I had my 34 week prenatal visit.  My vitals looked awesome and I only had pain once this week.  Dr. Huynh and I discussed the amnio tap, scheduled for the 24th,  again and what to expect at my next visit.  Then it was time to listen to the baby and measure my fundal height. That's when things changed. I of course was supposed to measure at least 34cm, but was still only measuring 31cm...barely.  Dr. Huynh double checked the measurement to make sure and then said we needed to schedule and ultrasound for as soon as possible. The soonest we could get in was Friday at 10:15 a.m.  Before the visit was over though we listened to the baby, who was very active and we got a heartbeat of 158.

Fast forward to today.  It was super busy! Mordecai has a sports class from 9:00-9:45 on Friday's so we had to get there, participate, and leave right away when it was done to get to my ultrasound appointment. The ultrasound tech was running behind and as she came out to call us in Ruby tried to pull a toy with her that has a string and didn't realize she was stepping on it and some how she fell and the toy landed on her head.  So, I take a screaming Ruby into the room with Mordecai and proceed to have my ultrasound test done. They did all the typical growth scan measurements all the while the tech and I were talking about how I just have small girls. By her head measurement her estimated due date (EDD) was November 29th, and by her arm measurements her EDD was December 12th.  Its a good thing we had an early growth scan, lol. As we were leaving Ruby starts asking for a drink and I got her a small one while I put her toy back.  Well, that didn't work cause she was mad we weren't taking the toy home and she starts to cry and spills and then dumps her water. Everyone in the waiting room, which was packed by the way, just laughs. My only thought was, "Don't laugh! Help me out. Can't you see how my day has been going?" Anyway, we got home around noon had lunch and put Ruby down for her nap. During all of this I am waiting for a phone call from Dr. Huynh to discuss my results. After nap time we needed to head to the grocery store to get stuff for dinner, we were signed up for the Elders, when I got the phone call from Jessica the nurse. She said that Dr. Huynh wanted to know if I could come in to the Lafayette office.  I automatically assumed she meant for my next appointment and I said, "Sure, when?" and her response was, "Now". She then said they wanted to hook me up to a monitor to do a Non-stress test (NST). WHAT?!?!?!  I told them I would be there, but that I needed to find someone to pick Emily up from school since she was going to be out in 45 minutes. Marci, one of my favorite people, came to my rescue and grabbed Emily for me.  I headed out to pick Mike up to help with the younger two, and just in case things were bad.

We got to the office and Jessica hooked me up to the monitors. She explained they were looking for two elevated heart beats after movement, which by the way took 30 minutes and 2 juice boxes to get. I asked what was going on, and she said she didn't know but that Dr. Huynh would be in to talk to us. I was shocked to say the least. I thought things would be fine, just like they were when I was pregnant with Emily.  Dr. Huynh came in and explained the results from my ultrasound that morning. She said that I should be measuring 34cm and that I was only measuring 31cm, which we already knew. Then she said that by the scans of the baby the head and leg bone measurements were fine, but her belly was measuring small.  It was supposed to measure around 34 weeks and 4 days by the scan, but that I was only measuring 32 weeks and 2 days. She also said her estimated weight is 3 lbs. 12 oz. when she should be almost 5 lbs. Then we were told that the tech measured the artery flow to the baby (umbilical cord) because there were signs of concern. Those measurements were fine. I was 2.38 and normal should be under 3.5. SO why the NST? Because her heart rate combined with her being really small are cause for concern on her health.

So now what? I have scheduled NST's two times a week on Tuesday's and Friday's, along with dopplers every Friday and weekly visits on Tuesday's with Dr. Huynh. Also, if problems arise there is a good chance they will have to take her earlier than 37 weeks. The other news...I don't have to have an amnio tap anymore. Reason being is that Dr. Huynh called a really good doctor friend and discussed my case. This doctor friend told her that all these problems that arose today trump needing an amnio and that she thinks we need to have the baby come at 37 weeks no matter what. So, Dr. Huynh would like to take her on the 23rd if there is an opening in the L&D unit, but if not for sure on the 24th at 6:30 in the morning since that was when my amnio was scheduled.

Chances are she is going to be 5 pounds or less, and that worries Mike and I, but that is what all the doctors in the practice and the specialist friend/doctor feel is best for me and the baby's health. So much for an easy pregnancy, or a less complicated pregnancy than Mordecai's.  This one has her own issues, and she is coming early whether we like it or not. :)

In happy news, my good friends threw me a shower/GNO Thursday night where we just chatted and snacked. It was fun and I was spoiled with tons of cute outfits and lots of diapers and wipes.

Everything Update

Better update about the baby, the house, the kids, things in general.  All last week we have been updating Mordecai's room.  He picked 2 walls that he wanted to paint orange.  He wanted to pick blue but Mike and I nixed that since his sheets are blue his carpet is blue, his lava lamp, regular lamp and clock are all blue.  We decided to keep his bedding since I couldn't find anything else we liked and I am not a fan of characters on things at all.  We ripped out his old closet doors, bedroom door and base and replaced them all with new white doors and trim. It looks really nice. In addition to that we replaced the trim in the hall way and have a linen closet door that needs to be painted and installed.  Monday this week we had Maid Pro come and clean our house for 3 hours.  It was nice since I had them focus on things I didn't really want do myself like dusting blinds and baseboards, and not to mention the toilets since I have a 4 year old who is starting to stand up. :/

Friday last week I had my 32 week prenatal appointment.  Things went well.  I only measured 31 cm for my fundal height when I was almost 33 weeks. So they think this little girl is going to be small like her sisters. Dr. Huynh has also tentatively scheduled an induction date for the 25th of October. I say tentatively because the day before (24th) I am scheduled for an amnio tap to make sure the baby's lungs are developed.  If they are then we will be induced the next day.  I'm nervous for the amnio and induction.  I've only heard one person say good things about inductions and that was from someone who doesn't go into labor on their own so they have to be induced.  Dr. Huynh thinks its the best so that I can have the stones taken care of, and not damage my kidney's anymore than they already are. Speaking of my kidneys I have only had one day where I have needed medication since my last hospital stay and I am hoping I will be able to make it to delivery without another hospital visit.

The kids are doing fine.  Emily is loving school. She comes home every day for the most part with a 'Hawk High-Five" and having made it to super star on their class room board. I am amazed at how grown up she is and am very thankful that she is such a big helper and loving sister. Because she is so grown up we gave her her own room and she has curtains/canopy (her request) above her bed. Mordecai, like I said just got a room makeover.  He is also learning to read, and amazing me.  It is later than I taught Emily, but he is so wiggly that I think its the best time for him.  He currently can read 5 word stories after only a month of off and on lessons. Ruby, is still a handful! She is constantly pulling things out and making messes, but on the flip side loves to help clean MOST of them up.  We moved her to a full sized bed when we made over the girls room. She and the baby will share so there is a twin over full bunk in there. Mike is doing awesome too. His work continues to keep him busy as well as all the things on my to-do list before this baby comes.  He would love to get more exercise in but is so tired that most days he can't drag himself out of bed. I sure love all of them!!!

That's it, I think. Hopefully I can keep this updated better than I have. Here's hoping.

WARNING! LONG POST

A lot has happened over the last month so instead of trying to back post and write everything on the correct dates I am just going to do a long and detailed one.

After we got back from Nauvoo Felicia and Tom called literally a few days later and asked if we could make it to their wedding if they changed it to Nauvoo in August instead of it being in November and here in Colorado.  I told them that I would be there but probably not the kids or Mike because we had just done the trip and Ruby didn't travel well, not to mention that Mike was out of vacation between our family reunion and his family reunion and that he needed to earn/save time for our baby girl coming in November.  So on August 14th, which was a Tuesday, I flew out to St. Louis, Missouri and rented a car to make the 3 hour drive to Nauvoo in hopes to make Felicia's endowment session. I barely missed it by 5 minutes.  I was sad to not have been there, but I did inititories and then one of the sisters that helped Felicia earlier in the day gave me a personal tour of the Temple and then I met my family in the Celestial room when the session was over.  After the Temple Felicia and I headed back to the Wal-Mart in Keokuk to buy drinks and the like and then met up with our side and Tom's side for pizza dinner at a park. After dinner we headed back to the hotel and Brittany and I played around with ways to do Felicia's hair for the wedding while it seemed like everyone was in our room chatting, which was way fun.

Wednesday, the 15th, was their big day!  Brittany and Julia and I got the remaining things needed for the wedding dinner afterwards while the other girls went and did mani's and pedi's.  Then we all headed over to the Temple for their sealing at 1:00 pm.  It was nice to be in a sealing room with my family again...I just really missed Mike being there with me.  After their ceremony we did pictures and then Mom and I headed over to the Hotel Nauvoo where we set up the tables and decorations for the wedding dinner at 4 pm. After dinner we again headed back to our hotel and visited with each other until about 2:00 in the morning.  The next morning I got up, ate breakfast, said good-bye's and then headed back to the St. Louis airport to catch my flight home.  It was a fun quick trip, but missed Mike and the kids terribly.

Once home we spent the time doing Emily's room in preparation for having it done before school was to start on the 20th of August.  Tuesday August 21st I got a text message in the early morning that Grandpa Pehrson had passed away from Alzheimer's.  We knew it was coming and were glad that it happened fairly quickly.  Emily didn't have school Thursday or Friday because of assessments so we headed out for a quick trip to Utah on Friday afternoon.  We didn't make the viewing Friday night, but enjoyed spending time with Mike's parents before we put kids to bed.  Saturday morning we were at the church at 9:30 so the women could practice singing together and for the family viewing and prayer.  Kristilyn and Mark and their family showed up, which was nice to see them and to visit.  Seeing Grandpa was hard.  I didn't think I would have such a hard time saying good-bye, but I did and I blame it on the pregnancy :).  After the funeral we met at the cemetery where he was laid to rest. Then from there it was a luncheon and then my immediate family went back to change and hang out at Grandpa's and Grandma's.  It didn't really hit me that they were gone until Mom and I got back from Iceberg and I looked over at Daddy sitting in Grandpa's chair and really thought, "Grandpa's not just in the bathroom or in the kitchen.  He isn't going to be sitting in that chair ever again."  Anyway, after their house we headed over to Chad and Ronnie's for a family BBQ and celebration of Grandpa. 

We got back to Mike's parents house about 9:00 and put our 2 older kids to bed fairly quick.  Ruby was the stinker, because she fell asleep on the way to the BBQ,  and we couldn't get her to go to bed until 10:00 pm.  Soon after I started having pain in my lower abdomen. I first thought it was contractions because I thought I was dehydrated but then I thought back to the day and realized I had had enough water and it wasn't that. Plus I knew this pain was constant and contractions are not constant.  Mike woke his Mom when we decided that we were going to go to the ER.  We got to Intermountain Health and were sent straight to the maternity ward because I was almost 30 weeks.  It took them a while to get me an I.V. because of my wonderful veins, thanks Dad, and then I saw the on call doctor.  He checked me over and then the nurse did a urine catch which showed a lot of blood. I then took a trip down to radiology for ultrasounds when I shared about my experience of Mordecai's pregnancy and having stones that were too big to pass. I have kidney stones, 2 of them! A 6mm on the right side and a 5mm on the left side. They gave me morphine, that didn't help with the pain so they ended up giving me dilaudid.  I was admitted  and waited for the on call urologist to decide what to do. I finally heard from the urologist late afternoon Sunday.  He said because I wasn't having anymore pain that I could go home and they discharged me with oral pain meds and anti-nausea meds for the "just in case" moment on the way home back to Colorado the next day.  Once back at Mike's parents house Keith, Kim, their girls, and Julie and Jason came over to visit. 

Early Monday morning we packed up, picked up Wanda since she was coming home with us to get home earlier and to help if needed, and headed out.  We got home without any problems and spent the whole week together without any major problems.  Friday I met with Dr. Anderson, my urologist, and wasn't so happy.  I knew he was the best doctor, but not the greatest bedside manner doc.  He just told me that he wasn't going to do surgery because it is too risky for the baby and preterm labor since they are bilateral and told me to follow up with Dr. Huynh.  I was pretty confused because they did surgery when I had them with Mordecai, but left knowing I had an OB appointment on Tuesday and hoped she could help me out.  Saturday I woke up feeling signs of a UTI.  I called the on call OB and she phoned in macrobid for me.  I was feeling okay until about 7:30 that night. I was so uncomfortable with feeling the urgency and need to go to the bathroom that I called Mom and talked to Wanda.  They both told me that it just sounded like a classic UTI, but if I was feeling that bad to at least call the on call OB.  I did and she told me about an over the counter pill that would help with symptoms. Mike went and bought it for me and we waited the 30 minutes it was supposed to take to help with the uncomfortableness.  It didn't work, so Mike took me to the ER.  Again, I was taken up to labor and delivery and again I had trouble getting an I.V. placed.  After 4 pokes, and a pediatric needle I finally had an I.V.  They gave me a hospital grade version of the pill I took at home and that didn't work either.  All of a sudden I started feeling my kidney and that's when they admitted me and finally gave me some dilaudid.  Early Sunday morning when I was finally able to sleep, around 2:00 am, Mike headed home to get some sleep and then to take Wanda to the airport.  I had ultrasounds again and found that my right kidney had a partial obstruction.  Once the on call urologist finally came in (around 4:00 pm) he basically said the same thing Dr. Anderson said.  They weren't going to do surgery because of the risks, and that if I had more pain that couldn't be remedied at home with oral dilaudid I would probably have to get another nephrostomy tube.  We were discharged and left feeling frustrated and confused again.

Monday morning we all woke up having slept 12 hours, which Mike and I haven't done in FOREVER, and decided we were going to do something fun.  We took the kids mini golfing and then out to Cici's Pizza, we also picked up some paint to do Mordecai's room.  Tuesday morning I finally had my OB appointment and she explained a lot of things that to urologists didn't.  She said they didn't want to do surgery because the stones are still in the kidneys, whereas with Mordecai they were stuck in the ureter, and that she agrees with their thoughts and decisions. If only the urologists had explained it better to us than just telling us they wanted to wait it out.  Dr. Huynh's hope is to get me to at least 36 weeks because she is for sure I am going to have pain attacks from now until then.  If she induces me at 36 weeks I will have to have an amnio tap to make sure the baby's lungs are okay, so we are trying to make it to 37 weeks so I don't have to have that and that the baby doesn't have to go to the NICU.  She said my chances of ending up with a nephrostomy tube are at about 20%, and to keep drinking water like I do so that the stones will "float" and not try to pass.

Today is Sunday, almost a week since I saw Dr. Huynh and I haven't had any problems.  I am not ready for them (problems), or this baby to come in 6 weeks let alone 9 weeks when I am originally due.  I have started nesting and getting the crafty things I want done but it still doesn't seem real.  Oh-well.  Now I have updated and eventually I will get pictures up.

Dating Prenatal Appointment

I had my first OB appointment today.  I was a bit nervous since there is always a chance things aren't progressing the way they should be. When Dr. Huynh came in she was so funny.  She said she was so excited to see me, and especially so soon. Then she stopped and examined my face and said, "Wait, should I be excited, are you excited?"  I had to explain that I was, but a bit guarded since it doesn't happen this fast for us.  She then did an internal and external physical exam to make sure that my uterus was expanding like it should be, it was.  Then it was time for the ultrasound.  I immediately saw the heart fluttering which eased my heart and mind a bit, then she turned on the sound and measured it.  The heart rate was 177bpm which is faster than any of the other 3 were.  Emily was 174, Mordecai was 176, and Ruby was 164, so it was a good speed. 
(I don't know why it put my pictures on it sideways)

I was supposed to be 8 weeks today, but during all the measurements Dr. Huynh took during the ultrasound I was only measuring 7 weeks and 3 days. So now my due date in November 12, 2012.  Everything else looked awesome and I go back in four weeks. My body is starting to bloat, and I don't think it is going to be easy for me to gain the weight this time since I went from weight loss mode directly to weight gain mode. Oh well.

Progressing

I had my 37 week OB appointment today. I met with Dr. Spears since my OB is in Nepal for the month.  Anyway, when she walked in she looked at me and said, "I think I have met with you before."  I told her that she had delivered Mordecai because Dr. Hall was out of town and that she had been the on call doctor when I was in the hospital a couple of times due to his complicated pregnancy.  Well, after she looked quickly over my chart she said, "Oh you are that one."  She was referring to my nephrostomy tube ordeal.  I kind of snickered and then she said that she had a patient get one yesterday at 26 weeks.  She asked me when my problems started and I told her 16 weeks and she was kind of shocked.  She then told me that she was trying to explain/reassure to her patient that these types of things aren't common and that of all the years the office had been open there has only been 3 cases where a nephrostomy tube was needed and besides her the most recent was 2 years ago and mine so far had been the worst.  Lucky me :)  After that little memory lane chat she checked and measured me.  I asked about having my membranes stripped since Dr. Huynh suggested that, but they couldn't because I tested positive for group B strep.  I didn't have that with the other 2 so I was surprised.  My fundal measured at 38 weeks and when she checked me I was 3cm dilated and 70% effaced.  YAHOOO!!!  She did say that the baby is face up (posterior) and that is the reason she is still so high up.  She didn't seem concerned at all about that, and just told me to sleep on my stomach as much as I can to get her to turn face down.  Dr. Spears also told me to put Kristal on notice because she doesn't think I will make it to Presidents Day to have this baby, and if I have her before the 20th Mom wont be here.  It all still seems a little surreal.  I am comfortable in this pregnancy, which is why I think it hasn't totally sunk in yet that I am having a baby at the most in 18 days.  I hope it feels real soon.  I have had some pretty strong contractions this evening which is helping my into reality.

Now for a feel good story.  This last Friday Mike, the kids and I headed down to Parker, CO for a surprise birthday party for a friend.  As we walked in I noticed another girl that was pregnant with her 3rd child.  While I was in the kitchen getting food she came up to me and said, "I'm guessing we are about the same gestation since we are about the same size tummy wise."  I told her we probably were and then she asked me how far along I was.  I responded with, "I will be 37 weeks on Sunday."  She looked really shocked and said, "Oh, I am 28 weeks." I tried to explain that this baby has measured small the whole time, but I don't think it helped.  I can't lie though, it made me feel good.  It only validates what everyone else has said , that I am tiny for being as far along as I am.  Hopefully this little girl will be a good size though.

GNO for ME!!!

My dear friend Kristal and some other ladies from our ward would not let me NOT have a baby shower.  Even though I kept telling them that I already had 2 kids of the opposite sex at the same time of year they were still very insistent.  So I finally gave in as long as it was only a 'Girls Night Out'.  We had a GNO at "BJ's" yesterday in the late afternoon and then Kristal and I headed out to get mani and pedi's.  It was a nice relaxing time away from the kids, and even though I said 'NO GIFTS' I still walked away with at least 2 packages of diapers in each size from newborn to size 2 and some wipes.

Merideth, Mandie, Karen, Marci, Me & Lexy

Me, Lexy, Heather, Rachel, Merideth, Mandie, Karen

This morning I woke up not feeling so well.  I had some stomach bug that was not so fun.  I don't know if it came from the food I ate yesterday or the kids, but whatever it was I am glad that I am feeling better.  Hopefully our kids or Mike wont get this, so here is to knocking on some wood.

Discouraged

I had my 36 week OB appointment this afternoon.  Kristal was sweet enough to come over and watch the kids so I didn't have to drag them to my appointment.  I had another ultrasound to measure growth and her kidneys.  At one point during the exam, I think she was measuring the stomach, the ultrasound tech asked me how far a long I was.  I told her, "36 weeks and 3 days" and she said, "Oh, well this one is just a little on the small side."  I told her that we had this with her older sister, but hopefully she will be bigger than Emily was.  Mike thinks that having a 6 pound 3 ounce baby is small, let alone bringing home a 5 pound 10 ounce baby which was what Emily dropped to.  Anyway, back to my appointment.  She gained a little in the weight department.  She went from the 15% to almost the 20% weighing in at 5 pounds 10 ounces.  Of course this is all give or take a pound.  Her kidneys are still dilated, but Dr. Huynh doesn't think it warrants calling in a pediatric urologist since she is so close to being due and that there is enough fluid around her still.  The thought is that once she is born we will have to make sure her pediatrician knows about the dilation, but that she will be fine and things will resolve on their own.

After mu ultrasound I had my group B strep test done, they are done much better than the way they had to do it when I was pregnant with Emily and Mordecai, and then a cervix check.  I always tell myself that I am not going to be dilated so that if I am not I wont be disappointed.  I did that this time, and was still disappointed.  I expected to be at least a 1.5, but I was barely a 1.  I don't know about effacement because all Dr. Huynh had to say was that my cervix is still way back up there and hard to reach.  That part is nothing new because it was that way with the other two as well.  Dr. Hall used to have me make fists and stick them under my hips when she checked me.  Anyway, with Emily I started at a 1.5 and 50% effaced up until they day I went into labor with her.  Mordecai I started at a 3 and 50% effaced up until I went into labor with him.  The only thing the same with those two, was that the day I went into labor with them I was a 'loose' 3 and could be stretched to a 5.  I know that things can change very rapidly and that today's findings don't really mean anything, but I am a bit discouraged.  I don't want to go late, I know I have said this a lot, but I don't feel like I am going to have her soon either.  Dr. Huynh did say she doesn't think I will make it to my actual due date since I haven't in the past, and that if she were me she would have Dr. Spears strip my membranes next week.  Until then I am bound and determined to walk every day for 29 minutes on my treadmill on an incline and run for a minute (since that is all I can do).  Blah!

34 Weeks

I had my 34 week OB appointment today.  I am currently 34 weeks and  5 days today.  Ruby was calmer than she has ever been.  Her heartbeat was only 148 bpm compared to her usual 160 range.  My fundal height only measured 34 cm barely, so along with the ultrasound to measure her kidney dilation next visit (36 weeks) they are also going to do a growth scan to make sure she is still growing properly.  I am banking on her weighing in at 7 1/2 pounds at birth so we will see.  I have had some more contractions this weekend and I am really starting to get anxious. 

Mind Wanderings

So this probably isn't going to make much sense, but this is just a lot of what I have been thinking about.  I don't think I am going to be ready for this baby to come.  I hit points with both of the other two that I could imagine them, what they would look like, act like, be like, sound like.  BUT! For whatever reason I can't and haven't done that with this one.  I was talking to Cherstin about this the other day and telling her that all I know is being a mom to two kids and being pregnant, and she told me that she felt that way too, and it isn't much of a difference going from 2 to 3 or even from 3 to 4.  Then she asked me if I was ready for the actual labor part and I hadn't even thought about that.  Then she said something that has made me start thinking.  She said, "February is going to start soon and you are going to get a big slap in the face that this is happening really soon."  Then that made me start thinking that last Friday I had some pretty noticible contractions and I was only 32 weeks and 5 days.  I also had some more on Wednesday night...I don't know if they were caused from the stomach bug I had or what but after Mike gave me a blessing they finally went away but not until Mike asked the question, "Are we going to have this baby early?"  I reassured him that if I were to go into labor this early they would stop it because I am only 33 1/2 weeks.  So all of this leaves me to think that this is really happening even if I am ready or not.  I still think I am going to go late, but maybe I wont.  I have already started to "nest" and have already packed the diaper bag (which we never did with the other kids), washed all of Emily's old baby clothes plus the car seat, and am getting anxious to install it into the car but I am refraining from that because it is still too early. 

On another note, I am smaller with this pregnancy than with Emily and Mordecai and I keep thinking I want to take a picture of me to compare with pictures of me pregnant with the other 2.  We will see if that happens though.  I am also ready to be back to my regular self, not body wise but hormone wise.  I find that once I get annoyed or bugged I am that way the rest of the day...seriously.  I have been trying so hard to not let myself go there, but haven't been too successful.  For example: earlier on this week the kids were playing just fine, and I was washing laundry.  While I was rotating the laundry I heard muffled screams for me and I yelled up the stairs, "What?"  I got more muffled screams combined with crying so I got upset cause I couldn't understand them and now I had to hike my pregnant body upstairs to find out what was going on.  When I got upstairs I noticed they weren't in Emily's room with the door shut like I had thought, but I was still hearing the muffled screams and crying.  I then realized it was coming from our linen closet.  Apparently they decided it was funny to hide under the bottom shelf in the closet that just so happens to touch the door when closed, so neither kid could stand up and let themselves out.  When I opened the door they were both crying hysterically and telling me how scared they were and all I could think was, Why were you playing in something you knew you weren't supposed to be in? when I should have felt bad for them and want to comfort them.  So I called Mike all angry to calm myself down and all he could do was laugh.  He told me to go write this down on our blog or Facebook and someone would make me feel better.  Writing it now makes me laugh but at the time I was so furious.  I think I have rambled on enough, so goodnight.

"2 Ruby's"

I had my 32 week OB appointment this afternoon along with another ultrasound to check out Ruby's kidneys.  While we were watching the screen we were able to see Ruby sucking and her heart beat.  Her heart beat was pretty fast like 167 bpm still.  The ultrasound tech said that it is pretty fast for a baby as far along as she is, and that usually at this stage it is indicative of what her personality will be like when she is out.  I know I have said this before, but this only confirms to me that she is going to be wild like Emily and Mordecai and that their little spirits are already formed.  A little funny while watching the tech do her job.  Mordecai was watching the tech pull up 2 pictures of Ruby side by side for comparison and Mordecai points to the big T.V. screen and says, "Look! Two Ruby's!"

After the ultrasound was my 32 week appointment with Dr. Huynh.  She went over my ultrasound results and said that Ruby's kidneys are still dilated and that they are continuing the pattern of getting bigger because she is getting bigger.  So, unless her kidneys make a drastic jump we will just have ultrasounds scheduled every 4 weeks until she is born just to make sure she is maintaining.  Once she is born Dr. Miller, the kids' pediatrician, will make sure she can urinate.  If she can urinate, which she probably will, they said her kidneys would deflate on their own.  If she can't urinate then they will have to do further exams of ultrasounds on her to make a game plan.  Ruby weighed in at 3 lbs 14 oz, which all the things I have read say she should be a little over 4 pounds now, which would explain why her weight percentile went down from the 20 % to the 15 %.  Dr. Huynh said she isn't concerned about that because when she has delivered babies at 32 weeks that is about the size they generally are, so we are expecting Ruby to make a weight jump sometime between now and when she is born.  I am still banking on her being smaller than Mordecai was though. :)  We also found out that Dr. Huynh will be out of the country the month of February so I will likely have Dr. Spears deliver her since she was the one that delivered Mordecai.  I am still hoping that she will come early since the other two did, but I have this feeling that she is going to be late.  I don't know if it is because of fear for it, or what, but only time will tell.

Pregnant Crazy

So I have been inspired to confess, thanks to a friend who confessed on her blog.  I was thinking the other day that I am pretty lucky to not have depression or much of the "baby blues" after having a baby.  Don't get me wrong I get moody and cry after having a baby, but for no more than a day.  I now know the reason why...it's because I have the "blues" during pregnancy.  With Emily, Mordecai, and now with this one I hit this point where I feel "down" or "picked on".  I don't remember how far along with the other two I was when I hit it, but with this one I hit it on Wednesday night.  It probably was a long time coming with this one with all the hormones and taking care of kids, a husband, and a home, and wanting everything to be perfect and my kids to understand everything I say and mean, but it roared its ugly head Wednesday night.  I was tired from Monday night with Emily being sick and all and taking her to the Doctors Tuesday.  Come to think of it it also has to be a combination of Mordecai being in the "Terrible Two" stage for a WAY long time too, but none the less I snapped on Wednesday night. 

Mike has this guy he home teaches, and for whatever reason it isn't conducive to visit him at his place so he comes here for his visits.  Well, the kids and been difficult all day with, "Mom! Mordecai's going to hit me", and "EMILY, give it back", and me trying so hard to not yell at them for fighting, and getting into stuff an making messes and the stuff they are supposed to do because they are 2 and 4. So about 5:00 I get this message from this guy, for Mike, that he is going to be busy all the rest of this week and next so tonight (Wednesday) is his only free day to meet. Mike gets home and I tell him about the message and am really hoping Mike will say something like, "I am too tired to visit with him tonight", or "I am not going to call him back, cause I just want to spend the evening with you guys".  Wishful thinking I know.  So Mike checks with me if it is okay for him to come over, and me, being a good wife and member say, "Of course honey as long as it is only for 30-45 minutes because I want to do some work on the girls room tonight."  Did I mention our upstairs is torn apart trying to update/redo a room for Emily and this baby to share? Anyway, Mike calls him back to tell him he can come by, all the while our kids are screaming and acting crazy and running around like wild orphans and I am cleaning up after dinner.  This guy tells Mike he is in the middle of a tile job and will call him back after he eats dinner and is on his way, which was only supposed to take him 20 minutes at the most.  So he should have been here by 6:30 at the latest, which would have meant he should have been out of here by 7:00/7:15 or so.  It would give us plenty of time to put the kids to bed by their bedtime (7:30) and then we could do some work on the room and then watch some t.v. we DVR'd.  Perfect I think, I will go take a nice hot peaceful bath since I was having painful Braxton Hicks and then when I am done this guy will be gone.  WRONG!!!  The kids decided to come in and spoil my bath...I had to get out because Mordecai kept taking off his clothes trying to get in with me and that wasn't going to happen.  7:30 rolls around and the guy is still here.  I put the kids to bed thinking Mike would be done soon and we could go on with my plan. WRONG AGAIN!!!  The guy was here until 10:00 at night talking to Mike about his life and how things are so messed up right now and blah blah blah.  I get ready for bed and by this time I am so steaming angry that Mike just didn't tell him to go home.  Mike comes upstairs and says, "I'm sorry, I know your mad..."  Darn right I am mad, you let this guy stay that long even after I told you for no more than 30-45 minutes!  I yelled, then cried, then yelled and cried again.  I'm pretty sure by the time we actually went to bed Mike was thinking, "We are NEVER getting pregnant again." 

Well, by the time we got up in the morning I was pretty sure I had cooled off and was fine. WRONG AGAIN!!!  The day was fine, but when Mike got home from work (Thursday) we were supposed to start on the girls' room right after dinner.  Mike told me he needed to call this guy and check on some things to make sure he has everything set for this weekend (he is moving and needs help) and it should only take 5 minutes.  Well guess what he talked to Mike for about an hour!  After he got off the phone I morphed into a 2 year old, and threw a big tantrum that Mike wasn't putting his family first, let alone me, and that we were a dysfunctional family because all I did was yell and get angry at the kids for making messes, and how could he help this guy over helping me who was drowning and not feeling adequate...and on and on and on.  Mike being the great husband he is recognized I was pregnant crazy, and just listened to me.  Then he apologized, for doing nothing I might add, and stayed up until midnight last night finishing the work on the girls' room we had scheduled to do.  Then this morning when we woke up he just cuddled with me to let me know that everything was alright and that he still loved me.  Then this afternoon I got an e-mail from him telling me basically that he loves me and thinks I am wonderful.

So there you have it.  I am so NOT perfect! Most the time I am pretty laid back and stress/worry free, but when things like this happen it is nice to know I have a partner that will stand by me no matter what and love me unconditionally.  It is also nice to know that the Lord puts people in our lives that will help you, in this case my friend who wrote on her blog which in turn helped me notice that something wasn't right and that I just need to mellow out a bit and enjoy life as it is...even if it is crazy one.

P.S. I am better now, really, and Mike isn't going to have me committed. 8-)

Ruby Marie Rogers

I guess it is time for me to update the ol' blog here.  This past Tuesday (10/5//10) I headed to the Temple to do sealings with Kristal and Marci.  It was Kristal's first time doing sealings, and it has been kind of special for me to be there with her when she experiences her "firsts".  I was there when she had the opportunity to do the baptism for her Mom, which was also her first time in the Temple, and then again when she went through the Temple for her own endowment.  Afterwards the 3 of us hit Chili's for dinner and dessert.  It was a wonderful time full of great food, company and conversation.

She is smiling in this one.

The next day, Wednesday, the kids and Mike and I headed to Dr. Huynh's (OB) office to find out the sex of our little one.  I was pretty sure at the beginning of this pregnancy that this one was a girl, but later I kind of flopped when Mike mentioned to me that I was carrying this one like I carried Mordecai.  Then I flopped again and went back to thinking it was a girl because I have acne like I did with Emily...granted not as bad, but still it is there every once in a while.  Also my chest is sore, like with Emily.  I had none of these symptoms while pregnant with Mordecai.  Then I flopped again when I was at the Temple thinking that it was a boy. Who knows maybe that is a feeling that Mike and I are going to have another boy...someday.  Well the ultrasound tech did her job and measured the little thing and then asked if we wanted to know the sex, and if we had any guesses.  Emily immediately said "girl" and Mike and I said we honestly didn't know but didn't care either, we just wanted a healthy baby.  The ultrasound tech looked at Emily and told her she was right, it is a little girl.  Ruby Marie Rogers.  Anyway, after we met with Dr. Huynh and she went over the ultrasound results with us.  She said that everything looks great except the tech noted the size of her kidney's.  A baby's kidneys are supposed to measure 2mm, hers were dilated a bit, her right measured 2.3mm and her left was 2.8mm.  Dr. Hunyh said she wasn't worried because this is a common thing and the bag of water was plenty full which is the baby's urine, but by law they have to note it.  So what does that mean...it means I get to have another ultrasound next month when I go back in. :)  Anyway, Ruby is measuring in the 28.8% which is normal and weighs about 9 ounces.  Hopefully she weighs between Emily and Mordecai's weight, not above her brothers weight when she is born.  I was also told that my placenta is in the front cushioning all the little movements, which explains why I don't feel her as much as I did the other two.  The ultrasound tech warend me that that was going to change once she got bigger because as far as she could tell Ruby moves more than most baby's do at this age (19 weeks and 3 days).  Lucky me, I will have 3 hyper, crazy, loud, but beautiful kids.

Guess What?

So if you don't already know, we are expecting baby #3.  This one took it's time to finally come, like almost a year of trying (more like 9 or 10 months).  Emily took us 6 months and Mordecai took 4 months after weaning Emily.  So once I weaned Mordecai I expected that it would take at least 4 months for my body to go back to normal, and that we would be pregnant sooner rather than later.  That didn't happen.  There was numerous melt downs, and calls to my Mom and Mike, especially when I would hear of someone else getting pregnant so easy.  Once I finally got to this point where I was happy with my 2 little kids, and wonderful husband we got pregnant.  I thought that I would be ecstatic, like with the other 2, but I wasn't.  I hit this wall like, "Why did we do this?  Life was perfect!  Mordecai knows how to walk and talk, and I don't want to do the whole baby thing again with spit up and sleepless nights and nursing."  I then went through this phase like, "Did I really want this towards the end of trying, or was it because I just had wanted it so bad at the beginning that I couldn't really give up, even though I should have or wanted to..."  I really don't know how to explain the last feeling, I did my best. 

We told the kids, and Emily was just so excited!  She said right away that it is a baby sister, ( I think that too, but time will tell).  Her excitement helped to make me excited, and explaining to her and showing her pictures of the baby and the process it is going through brings a whole new light to it.  She was so excited to see "it" during our first visit and ultrasound, and when they turned on the heart beat (164 BPM  @ 7 weeks)  Emily and Mordecai just stopped what they were doing to listen.  Today was another OB appointment and they just did the Doppler and Emily was excited again.  She talked about it all week long and when we heard it (186 BPM) she said that it is a baby sister.  Mike told me, jokingly, that the first two kids the Lord makes you wait 9 months in happy agony cause you are so excited, and that with subsequent kids you have 9 months to get excited.  HA HA!  I don't want people to take this the wrong way and not think I feel blessed or am happy or excited.  I just thought I would be like I was with Mordecai and Emily.  I am slowly getting excited, (really excited) and can't wait to meet *Ruby *.  :-)

So the baby is due February 27th.  So that makes me 11.5 weeks today.  Emily came almost a week early and Mordecai exactly 2 weeks early, so I hope this one comes early too.  We will have to wait a long time to see though.

Bear Lake-Day 2

This morning we got up and had breakfast and played around for a bit. Mike announced we were expecting baby #3, which was nice cause then I didn't need to hide it anymore. After a while we broke off into 2 groups and did some hikes (walks) Mike, Emily, Mark Keith, Kim, Talisa, Kira, Brandon, and Melody went on the more advanced hike, while Mom, Dad, Kristilyn, , Grant, James, Jason, Julie, Katrina, Neal, Anna, Daniel, Mordecai, and I did the kid friendly hike.
Mike and I were supposed to do lunch, but Keith and Kim's crock-pot doesn't seem to cook as fast as ours, so our pulled pork wasn't ready in time, so we switched with Katrina and Neal. After lunch we headed to the beach since we had a coupon towards some water craft rentals. We got a sea-doo and a paddle boat. The water was nice and Emily and Mordecai were like usual...fish in the water. Mike and I took Emily and Talisa out in the paddle boats at first. Mordecai didn't wan't to go, he was to scared, but we made him go at the end and he loved it. He kept telling people that. "We went on a boat, and it didn't crash." Emily and Talisa found this puddle of water that they loved playing in, but then a little boy pottied in it so they had to find a new spot...a trench. Mike enjoyed doing the sea-doo, I couldn't do it, being pregnant and all.

After bedtime we just sat around and talked some more and enjoyed some Raspberry shakes.

Weight Loss

In an effort to take my mind off not getting prego, or even knowing if there will be more, I have decided to start tracking my progress of weight loss. I have my annual exam in May, so I am thinking I will just try to relax about the pregnancy issue and if no success by then I will re-evaluate then. So this is my attempt.

I would like to lose 10-15 more pounds so I purchased a treadmill off of Costco's website. I am really excited because It is originally an $800 machine but it was $200 off so I got it for $600. I looked at craigslist and the cheapest they had with the quality that Mike and I think we should get is the same price as the new one, so we bought the new one. It should be here in about 10 business days. So that is when I will start running in the mornings, but until then I will start with calorie watching. More like making sure I eat enough, since Mike and I have established I don't consume enough calories.

Make sure to check out my weight loss ticker on the side.

Internal Struggles

I have decided that I needed to be true to my blog, since this is what I am using for my journal, so I am not going to hold back anymore on things I want to write. If people find it insensitive, rude, selfish...whatever the list goes on, I am going to write it anyway since this is a record or supposed to be a record for my posterity.

Anyway, for the last couple of months (since October probably) I have been struggling with the whole pregnancy issue. I know that I have 2 gorgeous children and that I should be happy with what I have...but the truth is I AM NOT!!! Don't get me wrong I am happy with my 2 but I want more than my 2, selfish??? I don't care if it is, or sounds like it is. If I knew all I was going to have was the 2 then I could start to work through the ache, and grief and sadness, but I don't know that. I have had blessings for other issues and in that blessing I was told, "You will be blessed with more children" but then I have had blessings I have asked specifically for, to know about children that don't say anything about children.

So for the last few months I have endlessly struggled and agonized over the not knowing. I can't tell you how many times I have called my mom to cry, complain, be angry, upset. Especially when everyone and their mothers dog around me is pregnant or announcing it. I hate that it takes us so much longer than most to conceive, and I hate that people think it is just so easy and have no clue how much of a struggle it is for others . I would gladly take being poor, kidney stones again, acne again, or morning sickness to have more children. My mom thinks that because I am uneasy about things and not feeling peaceful about it probably means there will be more, and for the most part I feel the same, but there is a lot of times where I doubt and have struggles with, "am I feeling this way cause the Lord wants me to feel this way, or because I don't want to give up hope" I desperately don't want to be going against what the Lord has planned for us.

My mom also thinks that if Mike's side didn't have the fertility issues they have had, and I didn't have the 2 sisters I have that get pregnant so easy, and Mikes age I wouldn't worry about it so much. I have been told by my OB that I am more than normal, and we did fertility testing before Mordecai and Mike was normal then so now what?

I feel a little better writing this down even though I still have no idea what to do, believe, hope for, or feel...and even if this doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Thanks Mom, for listening, love you!

Wanted!

The time has come. Mike and I have decided that we are going to start trying for baby number 3. Well, we actually tried these last 2 months, but nothing happened. We have just decided to make it public knowledge so that we can ask for prayers that it will happen soon, and that this next time will be uneventful...unlike the one with Mordecai. I struggle with being patient and understanding the Lords timing in these types of things. I am learning that I am the most impatient person, next to Mike and our kids, hhhmmm, I wonder if they get that from their parents. Wish us luck!