New Glasses

A week ago yesterday (1/25/10) Emily had a follow up eye appointment. We knew they were going to say that it hadn't gotten any better, and we were expecting to get a prism put on her glasses in prep for surgery. Well...we got there and Dr. Nichols checked her eyes, and prescription. He said that he prescription changed so we needed to get new lenses, but we opted for a new pair of glasses since her old pair was in bad shape. He also told us that he didn't think she was going to need the surgery, so no prism, so that is a good thing. He also doesn't think the eye problems are caused from her hemangioma. They are probably caused by Mike and his poor eye sight, but the hemangioma is what caused us to catch it so early. The reason he doesn't think the hemangioma caused it is because when eye problems occur from hemangiomas there is usually an astigmatism from the pressure being put on the eye, but she doesn't have that. The bad news is we don't know if the need for glasses will be a permanent thing or just until the alignment comes back to normal, which we hope the new prescription will fix. We are also supposed to patch for all waking hours which is a bummer. The good thing though is that Emily has opted to do a drop of atropine instead of patching so I don't have to battle the patch anymore. She kept taking off the patch and telling me she didn't want to wear it because people would make fun of her. So sad. I didn't think this kind of stuff started this young. Anyway, we think she is beautiful and we picked up her new glasses yesterday and she was so excited because they have cherries on the ear piece and a princess crown for the label...and of course they are pink! She also takes after her mom and picked the most expensive frames, Juicy Couture.

From a childs mouth

I need to write down some of the funny things our kids have been doing and saying.

So tonight Mike took Emily with him to do his home teaching. Before they left we were sitting down as a family watching the 'Living Scriptures' DVD of "David and Goliath". As they were getting ready to leave Mike said to Emily, "Maybe you could give the home teaching message to the Tin family on David and Goliath." Emily responded with, "Wow! That sounds like a big job Dad, I don't know if I could do that." It was funny though. She has also been saying the prayers a lot lately. In every prayer she blesses the Tin family, the Portner family (Mike's home teaching families), our family and then some individual friends names. I almost forgot that she always starts off her prayers with, "We are thankful for this beautiful day/or the wonderful world around us." One last thing. The other day we had some friends over (Burton Family) and after they left I was folding some laundry with Emily and out of nowhere she said, "When I turn 18 I want to marry Hayden." I told her that I would have to talk to Mandy (the mom). It is so funny with her everyday.

Now for Mordecai. He makes the funniest faces, and is so expressive with his eyes. He has lately been saying a ton of phrases, but the one most frequently used it, "See that?" He will throw a ball or do something and say, "See that?" over and over again until you respond to him. He has also picked up asking for things when someone has something he wants. Like the other day Emily picked up his ball he was playing with and he walked over to her and with his hands in the 'give me motion' asked her, "Please hab it?" He will continue asking until he is sidetracked or gets what he is asking for. He is very smart with his words, and you can tell he understands what you are saying. He follows directions very well, and is already starting to test us on our family rules. He is such a mommas boy still.

Reverence Child

Today Emily was the reverence child and she did a great job! It all started last week when we got to church (after a long battle in the morning of not listening) and Mike pointed out the reverence children and that she needed to be like them. So, after primary she went and asked Sister Weiss if she could be a reverence child, and so she was.

This morning while Mike and I were getting ready for church the kids got into the strawberry milk powder and spilled or dumped it all over the floor, and I was thinking, 'great it is going to be another one of those days again'. So we quickly had another discussion about listening then explained what reverence children are supposed to do. We told her they are suppose to stand quietly, fold their arms, and not move, and when the member of the Bishopric excuses them they go back to their seat. She got the folding the arms part right, but would slide back and forth to the organ music that was being played. We also noticed her wave to a friend that was in the pew in front of her. When the Bishop excused them she waved at the friend again (Jack Reed) and then a couple more friends along the way (Courtney Merrill, Sam Weiss). What can we say, she is very social. She did an awesome job and as her Mom I had a sense of pride...for what I have no idea, but I did.

Weight Loss

In an effort to take my mind off not getting prego, or even knowing if there will be more, I have decided to start tracking my progress of weight loss. I have my annual exam in May, so I am thinking I will just try to relax about the pregnancy issue and if no success by then I will re-evaluate then. So this is my attempt.

I would like to lose 10-15 more pounds so I purchased a treadmill off of Costco's website. I am really excited because It is originally an $800 machine but it was $200 off so I got it for $600. I looked at craigslist and the cheapest they had with the quality that Mike and I think we should get is the same price as the new one, so we bought the new one. It should be here in about 10 business days. So that is when I will start running in the mornings, but until then I will start with calorie watching. More like making sure I eat enough, since Mike and I have established I don't consume enough calories.

Make sure to check out my weight loss ticker on the side.

Internal Struggles

I have decided that I needed to be true to my blog, since this is what I am using for my journal, so I am not going to hold back anymore on things I want to write. If people find it insensitive, rude, selfish...whatever the list goes on, I am going to write it anyway since this is a record or supposed to be a record for my posterity.

Anyway, for the last couple of months (since October probably) I have been struggling with the whole pregnancy issue. I know that I have 2 gorgeous children and that I should be happy with what I have...but the truth is I AM NOT!!! Don't get me wrong I am happy with my 2 but I want more than my 2, selfish??? I don't care if it is, or sounds like it is. If I knew all I was going to have was the 2 then I could start to work through the ache, and grief and sadness, but I don't know that. I have had blessings for other issues and in that blessing I was told, "You will be blessed with more children" but then I have had blessings I have asked specifically for, to know about children that don't say anything about children.

So for the last few months I have endlessly struggled and agonized over the not knowing. I can't tell you how many times I have called my mom to cry, complain, be angry, upset. Especially when everyone and their mothers dog around me is pregnant or announcing it. I hate that it takes us so much longer than most to conceive, and I hate that people think it is just so easy and have no clue how much of a struggle it is for others . I would gladly take being poor, kidney stones again, acne again, or morning sickness to have more children. My mom thinks that because I am uneasy about things and not feeling peaceful about it probably means there will be more, and for the most part I feel the same, but there is a lot of times where I doubt and have struggles with, "am I feeling this way cause the Lord wants me to feel this way, or because I don't want to give up hope" I desperately don't want to be going against what the Lord has planned for us.

My mom also thinks that if Mike's side didn't have the fertility issues they have had, and I didn't have the 2 sisters I have that get pregnant so easy, and Mikes age I wouldn't worry about it so much. I have been told by my OB that I am more than normal, and we did fertility testing before Mordecai and Mike was normal then so now what?

I feel a little better writing this down even though I still have no idea what to do, believe, hope for, or feel...and even if this doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Thanks Mom, for listening, love you!

Skirt

Two weekends ago I went to Joann's with a friend to buy some fabric to make bow boards. While we were there I bought some fabric to make a skirt for me. I was proud of myself, cause it only took me about an hour and a half to make it. It isn't the most professional looking but I like it. The picture of me is a little weird because Emily was the photographer.

Jesus Wants Me for a SUNBEAM!!!

I can't believe I have a child old enough for Sunbeams!!! Crazzzzy. All week long Emily has been talking about how she gets to go to Sunbeams on Sunday, and that Mordecai has to stay in nursery. It is actually funny to watch because she would go up to him and say, "Don't worry buddy, you still have to go to nursery and I will call Hannah (Ludwig) to make sure she watches you." So then Emily would pick up her fake cell phone, dial Hannah, and ask her to watch Mordecai since she wouldn't be in nursery anymore.

So anyway, today as we were driving home I told her that she did a good job singing the songs and her reply was, "What did you expect?" I was a little floored by her matter of factness, but then again when isn't she like that? I then asked her what she learned in JoanE's (Sister Linford's) class and she said they learned about choosing the right. I asked her what 'Choosing the Right' meant and she said, "If is when you and Dad ask me to clean up my books and I do it, that is choosing the right...but if I don't do it that is choosing the left." I think she understood the concept of 'Choosing the Right', now I think we need to work on the 'Left' and 'Right'.

I had to throw this picture of the two of them in, to show that Mordecai has to be everywhere, and do everything Emily does. He just loves his big sister.