WARNING! LONG POST

A lot has happened over the last month so instead of trying to back post and write everything on the correct dates I am just going to do a long and detailed one.

After we got back from Nauvoo Felicia and Tom called literally a few days later and asked if we could make it to their wedding if they changed it to Nauvoo in August instead of it being in November and here in Colorado.  I told them that I would be there but probably not the kids or Mike because we had just done the trip and Ruby didn't travel well, not to mention that Mike was out of vacation between our family reunion and his family reunion and that he needed to earn/save time for our baby girl coming in November.  So on August 14th, which was a Tuesday, I flew out to St. Louis, Missouri and rented a car to make the 3 hour drive to Nauvoo in hopes to make Felicia's endowment session. I barely missed it by 5 minutes.  I was sad to not have been there, but I did inititories and then one of the sisters that helped Felicia earlier in the day gave me a personal tour of the Temple and then I met my family in the Celestial room when the session was over.  After the Temple Felicia and I headed back to the Wal-Mart in Keokuk to buy drinks and the like and then met up with our side and Tom's side for pizza dinner at a park. After dinner we headed back to the hotel and Brittany and I played around with ways to do Felicia's hair for the wedding while it seemed like everyone was in our room chatting, which was way fun.

Wednesday, the 15th, was their big day!  Brittany and Julia and I got the remaining things needed for the wedding dinner afterwards while the other girls went and did mani's and pedi's.  Then we all headed over to the Temple for their sealing at 1:00 pm.  It was nice to be in a sealing room with my family again...I just really missed Mike being there with me.  After their ceremony we did pictures and then Mom and I headed over to the Hotel Nauvoo where we set up the tables and decorations for the wedding dinner at 4 pm. After dinner we again headed back to our hotel and visited with each other until about 2:00 in the morning.  The next morning I got up, ate breakfast, said good-bye's and then headed back to the St. Louis airport to catch my flight home.  It was a fun quick trip, but missed Mike and the kids terribly.

Once home we spent the time doing Emily's room in preparation for having it done before school was to start on the 20th of August.  Tuesday August 21st I got a text message in the early morning that Grandpa Pehrson had passed away from Alzheimer's.  We knew it was coming and were glad that it happened fairly quickly.  Emily didn't have school Thursday or Friday because of assessments so we headed out for a quick trip to Utah on Friday afternoon.  We didn't make the viewing Friday night, but enjoyed spending time with Mike's parents before we put kids to bed.  Saturday morning we were at the church at 9:30 so the women could practice singing together and for the family viewing and prayer.  Kristilyn and Mark and their family showed up, which was nice to see them and to visit.  Seeing Grandpa was hard.  I didn't think I would have such a hard time saying good-bye, but I did and I blame it on the pregnancy :).  After the funeral we met at the cemetery where he was laid to rest. Then from there it was a luncheon and then my immediate family went back to change and hang out at Grandpa's and Grandma's.  It didn't really hit me that they were gone until Mom and I got back from Iceberg and I looked over at Daddy sitting in Grandpa's chair and really thought, "Grandpa's not just in the bathroom or in the kitchen.  He isn't going to be sitting in that chair ever again."  Anyway, after their house we headed over to Chad and Ronnie's for a family BBQ and celebration of Grandpa. 

We got back to Mike's parents house about 9:00 and put our 2 older kids to bed fairly quick.  Ruby was the stinker, because she fell asleep on the way to the BBQ,  and we couldn't get her to go to bed until 10:00 pm.  Soon after I started having pain in my lower abdomen. I first thought it was contractions because I thought I was dehydrated but then I thought back to the day and realized I had had enough water and it wasn't that. Plus I knew this pain was constant and contractions are not constant.  Mike woke his Mom when we decided that we were going to go to the ER.  We got to Intermountain Health and were sent straight to the maternity ward because I was almost 30 weeks.  It took them a while to get me an I.V. because of my wonderful veins, thanks Dad, and then I saw the on call doctor.  He checked me over and then the nurse did a urine catch which showed a lot of blood. I then took a trip down to radiology for ultrasounds when I shared about my experience of Mordecai's pregnancy and having stones that were too big to pass. I have kidney stones, 2 of them! A 6mm on the right side and a 5mm on the left side. They gave me morphine, that didn't help with the pain so they ended up giving me dilaudid.  I was admitted  and waited for the on call urologist to decide what to do. I finally heard from the urologist late afternoon Sunday.  He said because I wasn't having anymore pain that I could go home and they discharged me with oral pain meds and anti-nausea meds for the "just in case" moment on the way home back to Colorado the next day.  Once back at Mike's parents house Keith, Kim, their girls, and Julie and Jason came over to visit. 

Early Monday morning we packed up, picked up Wanda since she was coming home with us to get home earlier and to help if needed, and headed out.  We got home without any problems and spent the whole week together without any major problems.  Friday I met with Dr. Anderson, my urologist, and wasn't so happy.  I knew he was the best doctor, but not the greatest bedside manner doc.  He just told me that he wasn't going to do surgery because it is too risky for the baby and preterm labor since they are bilateral and told me to follow up with Dr. Huynh.  I was pretty confused because they did surgery when I had them with Mordecai, but left knowing I had an OB appointment on Tuesday and hoped she could help me out.  Saturday I woke up feeling signs of a UTI.  I called the on call OB and she phoned in macrobid for me.  I was feeling okay until about 7:30 that night. I was so uncomfortable with feeling the urgency and need to go to the bathroom that I called Mom and talked to Wanda.  They both told me that it just sounded like a classic UTI, but if I was feeling that bad to at least call the on call OB.  I did and she told me about an over the counter pill that would help with symptoms. Mike went and bought it for me and we waited the 30 minutes it was supposed to take to help with the uncomfortableness.  It didn't work, so Mike took me to the ER.  Again, I was taken up to labor and delivery and again I had trouble getting an I.V. placed.  After 4 pokes, and a pediatric needle I finally had an I.V.  They gave me a hospital grade version of the pill I took at home and that didn't work either.  All of a sudden I started feeling my kidney and that's when they admitted me and finally gave me some dilaudid.  Early Sunday morning when I was finally able to sleep, around 2:00 am, Mike headed home to get some sleep and then to take Wanda to the airport.  I had ultrasounds again and found that my right kidney had a partial obstruction.  Once the on call urologist finally came in (around 4:00 pm) he basically said the same thing Dr. Anderson said.  They weren't going to do surgery because of the risks, and that if I had more pain that couldn't be remedied at home with oral dilaudid I would probably have to get another nephrostomy tube.  We were discharged and left feeling frustrated and confused again.

Monday morning we all woke up having slept 12 hours, which Mike and I haven't done in FOREVER, and decided we were going to do something fun.  We took the kids mini golfing and then out to Cici's Pizza, we also picked up some paint to do Mordecai's room.  Tuesday morning I finally had my OB appointment and she explained a lot of things that to urologists didn't.  She said they didn't want to do surgery because the stones are still in the kidneys, whereas with Mordecai they were stuck in the ureter, and that she agrees with their thoughts and decisions. If only the urologists had explained it better to us than just telling us they wanted to wait it out.  Dr. Huynh's hope is to get me to at least 36 weeks because she is for sure I am going to have pain attacks from now until then.  If she induces me at 36 weeks I will have to have an amnio tap to make sure the baby's lungs are okay, so we are trying to make it to 37 weeks so I don't have to have that and that the baby doesn't have to go to the NICU.  She said my chances of ending up with a nephrostomy tube are at about 20%, and to keep drinking water like I do so that the stones will "float" and not try to pass.

Today is Sunday, almost a week since I saw Dr. Huynh and I haven't had any problems.  I am not ready for them (problems), or this baby to come in 6 weeks let alone 9 weeks when I am originally due.  I have started nesting and getting the crafty things I want done but it still doesn't seem real.  Oh-well.  Now I have updated and eventually I will get pictures up.

Foot Ghosts

It has been a while...

The last couple of weeks have been exhausting.  I don't know if it is the start of school, or Mordecai being in the stage of "3's" that are hard, or what but I have been feeling like a bad mom.  I did that month of no-yelling and I did pretty good.  I only lost my cool or temper about 3 times.  I decided that I needed to do that again, but I never made it a matter of prayer and that is why I have failed. Sadly.

Today I decided was going to be different.  I think Mordecai has just needed some extra attention because we are always leaving to take Emily to school, and when we get home I am putting Ruby down for a nap and then cleaning up after our morning, and then by the time I have time to do stuff with him we have to stop so we can go pick Emily up.  Then usually after we pick Emily up from school we have our errands to run so that we can get home and put Ruby down for her afternoon nap.  When We actually get doing something for him it involves Emily because she is home.  Poor boy, things are going to change.

So back to today.  Mike called as I was cleaning the kitchen and said that he made an appointment for his back.  He has been having some lower back issues so he finally called the chiropractor.  I asked him if he got out in time if he would like to join the kids and I at our weekly Costco trip for lunch.  While I was waiting for Emily to get out he called and said he was done and that he could meet us.  YAY!  The kids were so excited that Daddy got to have lunch with us.  Before Mike left to go back to work I asked him if he could take Mordecai to the bathroom.  He did, and when he came back out he had a funny smile on his face.  I asked him what happened and he said that Mordecai sprayed about 3 feet in front of him ( he didn't want to use the urinal) and Mike had to clean it up.  The best part though was that he started out leaning forward so it would get in the toilet, but for some reason he sat up and sprayed his forehead and in front of him and almost got it on Mike.  Mike said that he never expected to ever say, "Mordecai, hold still I need to wipe the urine off your forehead."  Oh, parenthood.

The kids and I quickly did our shopping and when we were loading in the car I told them that we were going to have a good day, and that if they were good while I put Ruby down we would do a craft.  They were awesome and when I came down Mordecai was asleep on the couch, so I quickly cleaned the baseboards and quarter round.  Finally we did our craft.  Cherstin suggested upside down footprints to make ghosts.  I had all the supplies so I was game.  I had the kids roll up their pant legs while I got the paint and paper.  Mordecai was first, we painted stamped and then I carried him over to the sink to wash his feet off.  While I sat him on the counter I knocked off a Tupperware of old chicken tortilla soup and it splattered all over the kitchen that I had just cleaned.  Remember how I said today was going to be a good day?  Well I sighed and cleaned it up while Mordecai sat on the counter soaking his feet in the running water.  Just as I was done cleaning up my mess I stood up and Mordecai says, "Mom! Look at this trick" and then sprays me with the sink hose thing.  I gasped and calmly asked him to stop.  He then goes, "that was a cool trick, want to see it again?"  I did well and didn't yell or loose my cool.  We finished Emily's ghosts and then cleaned up.

Overall it was a good day, and I just need to remember that my kids are young, and that I love them and need to love their stages.

Candy Factory

For the past 3 years or so I have heard about the Hammond Candy Factory here in Colorado.  I have seen signs but never realized how close it was.  Cherstin and her in laws were header there this morning so we tagged along.  It wasn't a terribly long tour by time wise, but it was long for me because of Mordecai.  Two years ago it was a battle to get him to wear a hair net at the Mayfield Dairy Farm.  Luckily that wasn't a requirement today, but he would have worn it since he loved his hat.  Today the drama was he thought they were going to make him into candy.  After all the screaming, and crying, and frustration on my part I asked him who told him that and he said Daddy.  Mike says he didn't say anything to him about the candy factory, so I have no clue where he got that idea.  Towards the end of the 20 minute tour he let Dan hold him and he calmed down. 

Today was also Ellie's 2nd birthday.  As tradition for Cherstin and Dan's kids we did Chuck E Cheese's.  While we were driving there I told Mordecai that he could NOT go potty in his pants while we were there, and if he did the consequence would be to not play the games. 

Mordecai then asks me, "Does Chuck E Cheese have a bathroom?" 
Me- "yes".
Mordecai- "Will Chuck E take me to the bathroom?" 
Me- "No Mordecai, I will."
Mordecai- A few seconds later, "Does Chuck E  have a penis?" 
Me-"I don't know Mordecai"
Mordecai- "Call Aunt Cherstin, she will know"

I ignored him for about 2 minutes until he was adamant that I call her and ask.  Weird kid.

Cherstin and her family leave tomorrow.  We are sad about that.  It is always nice to have family visit and for those relationships between everyone to grow.

Basement Woes

Life has been pretty busy! Kristal got here the morning of the 5th, (the same day Keith & Kim left) and has been here for almost a week and a half.  She leaves Wednesday.  I don't know why I haven't taken any pictures...probably because we have been busy.  We have been swimming, lunch with friends, McDonald's like the good old days, and just hanging out.

On another note we have had so much rain this past week that our basement flooded.  Mike and I were watching the news Friday night about how basements were flooding from all of the rain.  He casually said to himself that he should go check ours, but he didn't until later.  About 10:30 pm that night he went down before we were going to head off to bed and discovered that it indeed had flooded.  We had mud and water that we had to clean up, so we didn't head to bet until well after 1:00 a.m.  Later Saturday afternoon we were hit with another storm and Mike decided to find out where the water was coming from, since at first we thought it came from the windows but realized it hadn't because there wasn't any signs of it, so he climbed up on the roof and found that our gutters were clogged with paint chips that our painters were supposed to clean up.

This Girl!

This Girl! Has definitely been my hardest.  Not because she is number 3, but because of her acid reflux.  I wanted her for so long, and then I finally got her and it was surreal.  She was mellow and calm at first, and so tiny...well she is still so tiny.  Anyway, after her first months well check she started to get fussy and I first thought it was because of the shot she got.  BUT, quickly after talking with Cherstin I realized it was because the girl has acid reflux.  Then, once she got her medicine she seemed back to normal.  Mellow, smiley, happy, content.  Last week things started to change again.  She started to act uncomfortable, fussed at night, and wouldn't smile. I was ready to give up nursing, which sooo is not me.  I talked to Cherstin, Wanda, Mom, and even Mike when I realized she needed her meds upped.  Now that they are upped she is back to normal.  I sure do love this little girl and am SO glad that she is happy now.

Mind Wanderings

So this probably isn't going to make much sense, but this is just a lot of what I have been thinking about.  I don't think I am going to be ready for this baby to come.  I hit points with both of the other two that I could imagine them, what they would look like, act like, be like, sound like.  BUT! For whatever reason I can't and haven't done that with this one.  I was talking to Cherstin about this the other day and telling her that all I know is being a mom to two kids and being pregnant, and she told me that she felt that way too, and it isn't much of a difference going from 2 to 3 or even from 3 to 4.  Then she asked me if I was ready for the actual labor part and I hadn't even thought about that.  Then she said something that has made me start thinking.  She said, "February is going to start soon and you are going to get a big slap in the face that this is happening really soon."  Then that made me start thinking that last Friday I had some pretty noticible contractions and I was only 32 weeks and 5 days.  I also had some more on Wednesday night...I don't know if they were caused from the stomach bug I had or what but after Mike gave me a blessing they finally went away but not until Mike asked the question, "Are we going to have this baby early?"  I reassured him that if I were to go into labor this early they would stop it because I am only 33 1/2 weeks.  So all of this leaves me to think that this is really happening even if I am ready or not.  I still think I am going to go late, but maybe I wont.  I have already started to "nest" and have already packed the diaper bag (which we never did with the other kids), washed all of Emily's old baby clothes plus the car seat, and am getting anxious to install it into the car but I am refraining from that because it is still too early. 

On another note, I am smaller with this pregnancy than with Emily and Mordecai and I keep thinking I want to take a picture of me to compare with pictures of me pregnant with the other 2.  We will see if that happens though.  I am also ready to be back to my regular self, not body wise but hormone wise.  I find that once I get annoyed or bugged I am that way the rest of the day...seriously.  I have been trying so hard to not let myself go there, but haven't been too successful.  For example: earlier on this week the kids were playing just fine, and I was washing laundry.  While I was rotating the laundry I heard muffled screams for me and I yelled up the stairs, "What?"  I got more muffled screams combined with crying so I got upset cause I couldn't understand them and now I had to hike my pregnant body upstairs to find out what was going on.  When I got upstairs I noticed they weren't in Emily's room with the door shut like I had thought, but I was still hearing the muffled screams and crying.  I then realized it was coming from our linen closet.  Apparently they decided it was funny to hide under the bottom shelf in the closet that just so happens to touch the door when closed, so neither kid could stand up and let themselves out.  When I opened the door they were both crying hysterically and telling me how scared they were and all I could think was, Why were you playing in something you knew you weren't supposed to be in? when I should have felt bad for them and want to comfort them.  So I called Mike all angry to calm myself down and all he could do was laugh.  He told me to go write this down on our blog or Facebook and someone would make me feel better.  Writing it now makes me laugh but at the time I was so furious.  I think I have rambled on enough, so goodnight.

Pregnant Crazy

So I have been inspired to confess, thanks to a friend who confessed on her blog.  I was thinking the other day that I am pretty lucky to not have depression or much of the "baby blues" after having a baby.  Don't get me wrong I get moody and cry after having a baby, but for no more than a day.  I now know the reason why...it's because I have the "blues" during pregnancy.  With Emily, Mordecai, and now with this one I hit this point where I feel "down" or "picked on".  I don't remember how far along with the other two I was when I hit it, but with this one I hit it on Wednesday night.  It probably was a long time coming with this one with all the hormones and taking care of kids, a husband, and a home, and wanting everything to be perfect and my kids to understand everything I say and mean, but it roared its ugly head Wednesday night.  I was tired from Monday night with Emily being sick and all and taking her to the Doctors Tuesday.  Come to think of it it also has to be a combination of Mordecai being in the "Terrible Two" stage for a WAY long time too, but none the less I snapped on Wednesday night. 

Mike has this guy he home teaches, and for whatever reason it isn't conducive to visit him at his place so he comes here for his visits.  Well, the kids and been difficult all day with, "Mom! Mordecai's going to hit me", and "EMILY, give it back", and me trying so hard to not yell at them for fighting, and getting into stuff an making messes and the stuff they are supposed to do because they are 2 and 4. So about 5:00 I get this message from this guy, for Mike, that he is going to be busy all the rest of this week and next so tonight (Wednesday) is his only free day to meet. Mike gets home and I tell him about the message and am really hoping Mike will say something like, "I am too tired to visit with him tonight", or "I am not going to call him back, cause I just want to spend the evening with you guys".  Wishful thinking I know.  So Mike checks with me if it is okay for him to come over, and me, being a good wife and member say, "Of course honey as long as it is only for 30-45 minutes because I want to do some work on the girls room tonight."  Did I mention our upstairs is torn apart trying to update/redo a room for Emily and this baby to share? Anyway, Mike calls him back to tell him he can come by, all the while our kids are screaming and acting crazy and running around like wild orphans and I am cleaning up after dinner.  This guy tells Mike he is in the middle of a tile job and will call him back after he eats dinner and is on his way, which was only supposed to take him 20 minutes at the most.  So he should have been here by 6:30 at the latest, which would have meant he should have been out of here by 7:00/7:15 or so.  It would give us plenty of time to put the kids to bed by their bedtime (7:30) and then we could do some work on the room and then watch some t.v. we DVR'd.  Perfect I think, I will go take a nice hot peaceful bath since I was having painful Braxton Hicks and then when I am done this guy will be gone.  WRONG!!!  The kids decided to come in and spoil my bath...I had to get out because Mordecai kept taking off his clothes trying to get in with me and that wasn't going to happen.  7:30 rolls around and the guy is still here.  I put the kids to bed thinking Mike would be done soon and we could go on with my plan. WRONG AGAIN!!!  The guy was here until 10:00 at night talking to Mike about his life and how things are so messed up right now and blah blah blah.  I get ready for bed and by this time I am so steaming angry that Mike just didn't tell him to go home.  Mike comes upstairs and says, "I'm sorry, I know your mad..."  Darn right I am mad, you let this guy stay that long even after I told you for no more than 30-45 minutes!  I yelled, then cried, then yelled and cried again.  I'm pretty sure by the time we actually went to bed Mike was thinking, "We are NEVER getting pregnant again." 

Well, by the time we got up in the morning I was pretty sure I had cooled off and was fine. WRONG AGAIN!!!  The day was fine, but when Mike got home from work (Thursday) we were supposed to start on the girls' room right after dinner.  Mike told me he needed to call this guy and check on some things to make sure he has everything set for this weekend (he is moving and needs help) and it should only take 5 minutes.  Well guess what he talked to Mike for about an hour!  After he got off the phone I morphed into a 2 year old, and threw a big tantrum that Mike wasn't putting his family first, let alone me, and that we were a dysfunctional family because all I did was yell and get angry at the kids for making messes, and how could he help this guy over helping me who was drowning and not feeling adequate...and on and on and on.  Mike being the great husband he is recognized I was pregnant crazy, and just listened to me.  Then he apologized, for doing nothing I might add, and stayed up until midnight last night finishing the work on the girls' room we had scheduled to do.  Then this morning when we woke up he just cuddled with me to let me know that everything was alright and that he still loved me.  Then this afternoon I got an e-mail from him telling me basically that he loves me and thinks I am wonderful.

So there you have it.  I am so NOT perfect! Most the time I am pretty laid back and stress/worry free, but when things like this happen it is nice to know I have a partner that will stand by me no matter what and love me unconditionally.  It is also nice to know that the Lord puts people in our lives that will help you, in this case my friend who wrote on her blog which in turn helped me notice that something wasn't right and that I just need to mellow out a bit and enjoy life as it is...even if it is crazy one.

P.S. I am better now, really, and Mike isn't going to have me committed. 8-)

Hay-Ho, Hay-Ho

This week has just been kind of blah. I think it has been this way all summer. I wait all summer long for it to be fall, with Halloween and cooler temperatures and let's not forget kids going back to school so I'm not annoyed when I go grocery shopping. Rude?, who cares. So this week consisted of fast food for lunch and watching my all time favorite movie, "The Incredibles". Okay, so I lied it's the kids favorite movie as of late.

Yesterdy, I decided that I needed to get back into my routine that I usually have during the school year so I decided to start by deep cleaning my couch, guess it helped cause right as I decided to clean it Mordecai spilled root beer on it. Anyway my day was looking better, more productive. It got even better when I checked my email and had this wonderful email from Mike,

"Sweet Desiree,

So was it too much junk mail or were  you tired of telling people that your email was princess_desi?

I love you!!

Hope you had a great day.

Mr. Incredible"

I don't know why, but it cheered me up even more. Then when Mike got home the kids and I took some of our peaches over to Don & Angela and visited for a while. Just as I got back Mike told me there was a paper on the bar that I needed to look at. As I was opening it Mike had this grin on his face. It was another raise! Yay! His boss basically told him that it was a mid year raise because the company had some extra money to give out and with all of his hard work she wanted him to have some of it. It is a small raise, which means we will still get the cost of living raise in February so that is cool too. The raise is probably why I got the email :). To top the end of the week off we get to go to a sealing of a sweet family tomorrow and then a lunch date. Life is pretty good right now, everything seems in order.

Internal Struggles

I have decided that I needed to be true to my blog, since this is what I am using for my journal, so I am not going to hold back anymore on things I want to write. If people find it insensitive, rude, selfish...whatever the list goes on, I am going to write it anyway since this is a record or supposed to be a record for my posterity.

Anyway, for the last couple of months (since October probably) I have been struggling with the whole pregnancy issue. I know that I have 2 gorgeous children and that I should be happy with what I have...but the truth is I AM NOT!!! Don't get me wrong I am happy with my 2 but I want more than my 2, selfish??? I don't care if it is, or sounds like it is. If I knew all I was going to have was the 2 then I could start to work through the ache, and grief and sadness, but I don't know that. I have had blessings for other issues and in that blessing I was told, "You will be blessed with more children" but then I have had blessings I have asked specifically for, to know about children that don't say anything about children.

So for the last few months I have endlessly struggled and agonized over the not knowing. I can't tell you how many times I have called my mom to cry, complain, be angry, upset. Especially when everyone and their mothers dog around me is pregnant or announcing it. I hate that it takes us so much longer than most to conceive, and I hate that people think it is just so easy and have no clue how much of a struggle it is for others . I would gladly take being poor, kidney stones again, acne again, or morning sickness to have more children. My mom thinks that because I am uneasy about things and not feeling peaceful about it probably means there will be more, and for the most part I feel the same, but there is a lot of times where I doubt and have struggles with, "am I feeling this way cause the Lord wants me to feel this way, or because I don't want to give up hope" I desperately don't want to be going against what the Lord has planned for us.

My mom also thinks that if Mike's side didn't have the fertility issues they have had, and I didn't have the 2 sisters I have that get pregnant so easy, and Mikes age I wouldn't worry about it so much. I have been told by my OB that I am more than normal, and we did fertility testing before Mordecai and Mike was normal then so now what?

I feel a little better writing this down even though I still have no idea what to do, believe, hope for, or feel...and even if this doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Thanks Mom, for listening, love you!